Self Anger Vs Self Love

Self Anger Vs Self Love

This title was inspired by a good friend who is currently struggling with depression.

It must be very frustrating for her because she knows why the anger is there, and the cause of it but yet she feels powerless to remove the cause.

This is a common theme in depression and therefore the aim of this blog is to examine one or more of the causes of self anger, how it can be removed and how it can be replaced by Self Love.

“I can’t seem to get things done that I need to do!” This is an outcry that I am sure many of you are familiar with.

In my previous blog about the “Complexities of Depression” I mentioned how depression can lead to fatigue and feeling tired most of the time.  Under these conditions it is more difficult, if not almost impossible, for the patient to get things done. And I mentioned how for some, even basic hygiene like brushing one’s teeth or having a shower can be a very big effort.

These facts can lead to your understanding of why you “can’t seem to get things done.” So what can you do about it? The answer is simple! Firstly, come to the realization that what ‘needs to be done’ is rarely an urgent matter of life or death.

With that realization under your belt then look squarely and objectively,without being overwhelmed, at the task(s) at hand. Next ask yourself “ what can I do right now that will take the minimum of effort?” Thirdly – DO IT!

That small step will give you some kind of satisfaction and will encourage you to do the next thing, maybe straight away, or in a few hours, or in a few days. It will get done!

This reminds me of what an NLP teacher asked during one of the lessons: “How do you eat an Elephant?” I am aware this was not a ‘politically correct question because there were vegetarians in the class, but he was trying to make a point.

Can you guess the answer? I’ll tell you later. For now remember … one little thing at a time, do you want an example?  My good friend could not bring herself to tidy up her room. When she looked at the mess she became overwhelmed, turned her back and walked away.  This was adding to her self disgust and self anger until I suggested ‘just do one corner at a time, and this worked for her. You can build self love and self esteem for yourself once you have got things done.

Did you guess the answer to “How do you eat an Elephant?” – A bite at a time of course!

Now for another cause of self anger “I always make mistakes!” Well, boo hoo!  Do you know of anyone who has never made a mistake? Really! And are they really mistakes?  Why can’t they be regarded as an educational step. Did Thomas Edison say he made mistake after mistake until he discovered which filament worked in the first incandescent light bulb? Of course not! He said “They were not mistakes, they were the way through which I found the right material!” 

So why beat yourself up by judging your action as a mistake then condemning yourself for it? Does it make sense?  From a larger perspective mistakes are not mistakes, they are steps toward finding the ‘right way’ to do it, say it, feel it or whatever the case may be.  Therefore do not turn against yourself, beat yourself up or be angry at yourself. It’s much better that you become more kind to yourself and appreciate that you were willing to try in the first place. Turn self anger into self love!

P.S. If you enjoyed reading this blog please share it with your friends. To comment, ask questions or make suggestions click on the last icon at the right below.  To read more about depression explore this website and consider purchasing my eBook by clicking here.


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  • Reply Shannan May 14, 2020 at 19:18

    This one hit home for me. I also get overwhelmed and walk away. I just have to do it little by little. I love your elephant quote and the use of Thomas Edison! Keep up the great work.

  • Reply Alfred Bellanti May 14, 2020 at 19:41

    Thank you Shannan. With wonderful friends like you giving me support and encouragement How can i help but keep up the great work! ❤

  • Reply Lisa LeVine May 15, 2020 at 20:48

    I love the part where you reframe mistakes as “steps toward finding the right way” . Great job Alfred! Looking forward to more!!

    • Reply Alfred Bellanti May 18, 2020 at 13:52

      Thank you so much Lisa, I shall try to post more often, when I get inspired. ❤

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